Co-Worker 1: You guys don't have any Kleenex.
Co-worker 2 (whose desk is right next to mine): And we don't have phones. And our desks are in the hallway.
Jocelyn: We are the third world of the 6th floor.
Co-Worker 1: I am going to bring you some Kleenex.
Jocelyn: You're the UN!

Co-worker #1: I need coffee.
Jocelyn: I need meaning for my life.
Co-worker #2: Dodgeball?
Jocelyn: I'll take it under consideration.

Co-worker #1: I need coffee.
Jocelyn: I need meaning for my life.
Co-worker #2: Dodgeball?
Jocelyn: I'll take it under consideration.

"I like fake crab better than real crab... I like the texture." -Me, seconds before I realized what a rube I am

"She can't just be mean to me for no reason!"
"Sure she can. That's what we do in this family, since we can't kick the dog like normal people." -me, and my dad

Jocelyn: "I miss going to school."
James: "You HATED school. You complained about it all last semester."
Jocelyn: "Yeah, I know. I'm probably one of those people who will never be happy."

*phone rings*
Jocelyn: "Hello?"
Phone: *beeping sound*
Jocelyn: "Beep. Beeeep? Beeeeep."
Phone: *click*
Jocelyn: "I tried speaking to it in its own language but it didn't answer me."

Jocelyn: "I'm so depressed."
James: "Why don't you make some of those sighing noises? That will make you feel better."

Jocelyn: "I only go [to the Armory-- a bar] when I am looking for slutty young women to go home with."
Courtney: "I only go there when I'm looking for DRUNK."

[hearing singing and piano coming from my living room]
Jocelyn: What are you guys doing?
James: Composing a rock opera.
Jon: Nothing.

[Watching season 2 (!) of Veronica Mars-- Veronica is trying to find out about a call placed from a payphone]
Jocelyn: If Vincent D'Onofrio was here, he would be able to find out what calls were placed from that payphone.
Meghan: By smelling it.
Courtney: Or possibly licking it.